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 Last night an overly-excited man came to my door with great intentions of collecting some money to feed starving children. I personally don’t think door-to-door is a great way to accomplish anything nowadays, but I guess it still works with some people. Regardless, there’s a right way to do everything, so here are some pointers.

Don’t be fake. If it’s -30°C, you’ve been walking door to door for the last hour, and I ask you how it’s going, an emphatic “I’m Fantastic!” is not a realistic response. Talk to me like a person and you’ll gain some trust.

Don’t be a salesman. Starting off by getting me to “say yes” by asking me certain questions is not going to work. I’m familiar with the sales tactic, and if you’re “not here to sell me anything”, then just stop it. While the warm air in my house is rushing out the door, I have no time to wait for you to cut to the chase, alright? If you just came out and asked me for $10, I probably would have given it to you.

Don’t make it complicated. I’m relaxing at home, and deservedly so. Don’t expect to be invited into my home so I can fill out some paperwork. I get enough of that shit in a day. Ask me for something or don’t; the longer you draw it out, the more I want you to go away. And if it MUST be a sign-up thing, leave it behind for me. Don’t try to convince me of things. Do you actually think I don’t know how horrible it is that people don’t have enough to eat in the world? You’re not giving me any new info, so leave me the papers, and if I can, I’ll get to it when it’s convenient for me.

Don’t come at supper time. If I’m eating, or just finished eating, it’s a bad time to interrupt me. Yes, inconvenient interruptions are a “first world problem”, but when you’re canvassing in the first world, this is what you need to work around. People work, and rush, and worry all day; so when they get a chance to sit down with their families, that is not something they appreciate having interrupted, and you’re not likely to get much out of them as an unrequested intruder.

It’ll never be a good time. When you’re told that “now is not a good time”, or “I’m in the middle of something”, that means “go away”. Don’t press; take the hint. When you start pressing for a time to get into my home, that is when I turn into a dick.

Don’t try to judge. Don’t you dare act hurt when I tell you to go away. I never asked you to come out into the cold and bang on my door, and you didn’t take any of my polite hints. Yes, “it’s not a good time” is a common excuse to not give something back, but here’s a thought: some of us actually intend to donate all over the place when we have the financial means to contribute. If now is not that time, your mission is not to pry and judge. As a person, I deserve the benefit of the doubt. For all you know, I already have 5 foster children; and it’s none of your business if I do or don’t.

In closing, people trying to make a positive difference in the world are to be commended. How could anyone say we don’t need more people like that in this life? Just be careful with your approach, because last night after that man left, I felt conflicted and uneasy every moment for the rest of the night. And that’s not how you do good.

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